Sifting

I’m finally to the point where I feel like I look pregnant and not just bloated. I was having some bloating issues before I got pregnant that I think were gluten related so the only thing that has convinced me that I have not always had this belly is the current state of my belly button. I know it has never looked like that. Baby is moving a lot but mostly she is just kicking my bladder.

I’m really working on my diet to insure that I’m feeling the best I can which means protein protein protein. I’m starting to log what I eat each day to hold me accountable to my choices. It’s hard to get it all in when I can’t stand the sight of most meats. A girl can only eat so many beans I tell you!

We started our Bradley classes this week and they were great. I’ll write more about them in the up coming weeks. I’ll admit most of my reading is about natural childbirth and nutrition. I feel like these book are more worthy of my time as it will be more beneficial in the long run compared to knowing how many hairs my little one is growing this week. I do find it interesting but I only have so much time to research and read. I just recently finished The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth.

Most of our time has been spent inside. Andrew is working at a conference and retreat center cleaning and painting and doing all sorts of other things. He is out in the heat all day long and is exhausted when he comes home, so we have been staying where there is air conditioning. Have I told you how great my Husband is? I’ve been running a fever so last night he went grocery shopping for me. I heard him come in the door and I was laying in bed about to text and ask him to bring me my heat pack for my back, chocolate almond milk, and my raspberry sorbet. Before I even had written it all out guess what he walked through the door with? It’s finally hit me that we only have a few more weeks left of just the two of us.

It’s bittersweet. We have a lot of life changing things coming up pretty soon. I do not like making decisions that make me unpopular. I do not like disagreeing with people. I do not like controversial issues but they have come up.

I believe that there is a fine line between false security and wisdom. We have been doing a lot of sifting. Sifting through what choices are ours to make and the ones that are not. Andrew and I shared the conviction before we were married that the growth of our family would be up to the Lord. I would have preferred to be married for a little while before having children. It just seems like such a good solid plan. You know… spend a few years getting to really know each other, buy a house, save some money, and then decide the time was right. Surrender is the word that has been ever present in my mind over the past months especially when I start to think about how this was not my plan, at least the one I fantasized about. I’m tempted to think that my way was the better way. But while I sit here with this little girl moving in my belly I’m reminded that this life is not my own, my body is not my own. Surrendering our children to God before they are even conceived will change the way we parent. It already has. There are so many things presented to us as necessary precautions.

So, where is the line between false security and wisdom?

All I know is that the beginning of wisdom is to fear the Lord.

 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. – Proverbs 9:10

Most of this thinking is aimed towards the upcoming decisions we have to make about childbirth. I have never heard anyone discuss spiritual convictions regarding such things, which makes it really hard to go against the norm…the norm of tests, ultrasounds, interventions, and painkillers.  God is convicting me of what I put my trust in. We live in a world that trusts doctors and vaccinations, guns and locked doors and savings accounts for emergencies. These things are good but compared to the One who calmed the sea these things are weak. To seek the Lord in the midst of this temptation to trust mere things, gives me the opportunity to be completely satisfied in my Healer, Protector, and Provider.  I want to be satisfied in Him.

What if I trusted God to protect my children from diseases instead of vaccines?

What if I trusted the natural process of birth that God designed instead of pitocin?

What if I choose to fear the Lord and not the potential problems that could arise?

I would be more mindful of the One who is worthy of my adoration. I would have to diligently seek the God who withholds no good thing from me. I would have to surrender, trust and obey which is what I’m already commanded to do.

We are not against savings accounts, locked doors or doctors but we want to put them in their rightful place. I’m not quite sure where that is at the moment but I know where to begin.

The wise fear the Lord and shun evil, but a fool is hotheaded and yet feels secure. – Proverbs 14:16